"Nanette is 6"... "No, I am 6 1/2, thank you very much."
These days birthdays just kinda come and go for me... once I turned 40, I just didn't really care to mark them.
At my 50th, my dad told me life was all pretty much downhill at this point ... yeah.
Thanks Dad.
So here I sit... 50 years, 6 months and 5 days... just past my latest "half" birthday and I gotta say, I am feeling a bit older and maybe even wiser. (OK... a wee bit wiser)
Kinda wondering why it took so long but, hey, after much praying, studying, reading and applying, I have arrived... sorta.
One of the books I am reading is Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller.
In one of the early chapters he talks about how some parents make gods out of their children; basically worshiping them and putting them before their own relationship with God.
And, while I don't suppose anyone really does that purposefully, I have seen it.
And the results are not good.
I love my children.
But a long time ago (... in a galaxy far, far away... ) God taught me a painful but necessary lesson about "my" kids: they aren't "mine" at all.
They are His.
He has a purpose and a plan for each of them... and at some point, I need to step aside and let them go find it.
Thankfully, in one of my brighter moments, I "got" it. And I have worked to do just that. And frankly, it is work.
I am still tempted to fix and plan and interfere with what God is doing in their lives.... thinking that I know what is best for them.
But that is a lie.
I don't know.
God does.
And He has shown me over and over again the wisdom of trusting my children fully to Him.
Let me say... if I would have been half as wise as my kids are when I was a teenager, well, the baggage would be considerably lighter, for sure.
And let's be clear... I take no credit for the amazing, faith-filled, God-loving, compassionate, loving people that my children are becoming.
That, my friend, belongs solely to My Heavenly Father; Who, for His own pleasure, has graciously poured out His Spirit into their lives.
(Amen.)
Watching God work in my kid's lives is a privilege that I do not take lightly.
Applying those lessons to my own life hasn't always come easily.
But I have taught my family much about God and His Truth through "teachable moments"
(well, OK... I have been accused of preaching...) and God does the same for me.
Recently I had a conversation with one of my kids who has a passion to see real change happen in people lives, for the Glory of God: water wells drilled in Africa, missionaries sent out without financial concern... needs met, Jesus introduced, lives changed.
And this young adult is prepared to use the abilities and resources that God has given to plan and work and sacrifice to see these visions realized.
And as I listened, I sensed the heartbeat of God and His Spirit spoke to my heart about my own plans, thoughts, passions.
Another one of my kids recently worked through a difficult personal situation. I marveled at the wisdom, grace and humility that was displayed.
Wrongs by both parties involved were recognized, named and dealt with... the best they could be.
The desire to see God honored and hurt minimized impressed me.
How I wish I had been such a thoughtful, wise teenager.
My own conscience revealed to me some less than mature feelings that I was harboring toward others... and confession and correction was necessary.
Time after time I have listened to the insight and wisdom that God has given yet another one of my kids (you know I have 6... right?) and truthfully, I have been shamed by the maturity and Godliness that has been displayed.
I am watching as God uses honesty, selfless, sacrificial giving, a desire to know God fully, coupled with a passion for others to know His love, to direct toward the path He has already prepared for this young adult to traverse.
And I am reminded again that God has a plan and a purpose for my life... even at 50 1/2. I need to continue to seek His face, learn from Him, forget myself and all that I "thought" He had for me to do... and just simply obey.
As a mom, I have listened to the cries of broken hearts,
wiped the tears of unrealized dreams,
and tried to fill the emptiness of unfulfilled desires, hurting right along with each child, each time.
But I have also seen God's gracious work in their lives as they have remained faithful to Him.
And I have been challenged to trust God to do the same for me.
So yes... after almost 33 years of parenting, I am buoyed by the knowledge that my children desire to follow God and to honor Him with their lives: seeing them actively pursuing His purposes and engaging in Kingdom work.
(They really should be so screwed up!)
I have to admit that I have learned much more about godly living from my kids than they have learned from me. But that's OK with me.
Should I live another 50 1/2 years ( oh goodness....) I will continue to ask My Father to teach me, and give me the desire to learn, hopefully with child-like faith and wonder... never forgetting to thank Him for the mercy and grace that He has chosen to bestow.
I love my kids.
God loves them more.
And I am so thankful that He does.
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