Transition

Signs of summer's demise are all around... flocking birds, cool mornings, darker evenings, wilting gardens, school supplies, leaden clouds and bright blue skies, the Crawford County Fair, and empty bedrooms.
(I was hoping it would also include me in Texas... )

A time of transition.
Transition:movement, passage, or change from one position, state,stage, subject, concept, etc., to another.


For us there is homeschool instead of public school for two of my kids and college in Texas for another. And a household closer to the size of the national average : 2.48 people.
(Not sure I want to see the .48 person)

Several of my friends are in transition also... moving to and from this area... different jobs, new church families, babies...
Or kids off to college, the military... or just moving out of their home; beginning journeys that will most likely take them away and off into God's plan for their lives... perhaps never to return "home", except for holidays and funerals.
Good and necessary for the kids... a little hard on the moms.

Yup, transition is part of life. Every day, everywhere, everyone shares this experience.

But beyond the physical realm, I yearn for a spiritual transition.
A change from self-absorbed, self-controlled, self-willed living, to a total dependance and acceptance of the place and plan which is mine... because of Christ.
I am a child of God...
Romans 8: 17- " and if children, heirs also; heirs of God and joint heirs of Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we might also be glorified with Him."
Suffering with Him... hmm... I think that suffering with Him could mean a lot of things... putting to death my flesh included.

Lately I have been thinking more about the Sovereignty of God and what that means for my everyday life. I admit, when it comes to spiritual things, I can be a bit of a slow learner. But I get this. I do.  However, I find myself tempted...um... hourly (?) to react, act, maneuver, complain, cry out, disbelieve... (anyone with me here)... to change things... and it frustrates me. Greatly.

Like the aforementioned lack of Texas residency. I mean, really. I felt God's pull on my heart several years ago to look beyond where I was so comfortably sitting. And as the months went by He unhooked a lot of my "feelings" and replaced them with thoughts of what He wants to do in our lives... and frankly we believe that includes change. And, while willing to go or stay or whatever... we really think that our direction is pretty clear. However, the circumstances have yet to present themselves. And I am getting impatient. And restless. And a little annoyed.

Like watching my kids deal with difficulties, and wanting to jump ahead and straighten their way... thinking that my involvement would certainly improve things... but hearing God's Spirit tell me to wait and trust Him. And not always agreeing... still thinking I have skills that are needed. Yup.

Like watching the news (which frankly, I do very little of anymore) and becoming overwhelmed with the need... physical, spiritual.... and asking God what is up with, for instance,  starving children in the Horn of Africa or the thousands of kids in foster care or orphanages, human trafficking, slavery... goodness.
What is God doing? (Am I allowed to ask that?)

And is this part of the suffering? This feeling of impotence combined with ever increasing frustration at my apparent inability to impact well, much of anything.

Honestly I just want to go home... to Heaven. Now, please.

But then I find myself smack up against my knowledge (gleaned from scripture) that God is in total control, He misses nothing, He ordained EVERYTHING.
*Sigh* ... but it's a good sigh.

See this transition that I desire is not going to happen overnight, or because I want it, or because God needs me to change...
rather  it is a process that God so graciously started in me the day He chose to make me spiritually alive.
Because He wanted to.
And He promises in Philippians 1:6 to finish what He started in me.

So my transition from dead in my sin enemy of God, to perfect child of God, (however still sinful), is in progress.
And all God requires of me is to trust Him; believe Him; glorify Him.

And while I am far from perfected, the journey toward Christ-likeness is ongoing... ending when I am finally Home.

And I am joyfully, expectantly hoping for that transition.

Sanctus Real - Forgiven (Slideshow With Lyrics)

Freedom: In progress.

OK, it's been over a month since I wrote my last post.
I tried several times and even have a couple of half-finished drafts saved.
But the truth is, I haven't wanted to share the thoughts in my head. 
There has been much whirling around; vignettes of conversations (real and imagined), a goodly share of "same old, same old"(that is really getting old, even to me), some regrets, a little drama and a continued flirtation with hopelessness. And tears. 
I have listened to Sanctus Real's "Forgiven" over and over again, feeling like I was living out every line and chorus... but still waiting to "feel" the closeness to God and the freedom that I know comes with His forgiveness.


This week I spent time with some incredible, godly, Jesus-loving ladies. 
What a blessing. 
What a privilege. 
As we prayed, sang and considered God's Word, I was taken with a spirit of thankfulness... and it's been a while since I felt that. :)
I am thankful for God's unchanging character and Word; thankful for His Presence in that room; thankful for women who spent 2 hours talking about Biblical things, real things that will matter for eternity... honest, open, frank discussion that I know pleased our Father.
I have needed this. 
I have missed this.
I loved it. 


We talked about using our shields of Truth to combat the evil one... and I realized that I had not done that for a long time. 
I have been trying to out-talk the negative talk, out-think the negative thoughts and work really hard at fixing the things that seem broken. 
I was wrong.


No wonder I have been so discouraged and unable and frustrated. 
I wasn't supposed to be "doing" all of that. I was supposed to be using what I know to be true about God and my relationship with Him to cause me to trust His Sovereign Grace. 
Period. 


And this is where I have found the beginning of freedom... right smack in the middle of trusting God to be... well, GOD.
Beautiful, life-giving, grace-bestowing, mercy-showing freedom. 
Freedom to be who God made me to be... sure of His Love and acceptance. 
And free from the primary desires of my flesh filled heart to please men, to be included, to feel wanted and accepted, loved.
Not that those are necessarily bad things, but I think that they mattered more to me than what My Father thought of me.

I wish I could say that I have been "freed" of all my baggage... the stuff that has been hanging off my neck for the last while. I can't. I haven't.

But I can agree with God that He will sustain & admonish me and allow all that He wills so that He can make me who He wants me to be... to fulfill the purpose He has for me.
And that, indeed, is freedom.

So yeah, I may never finish the drafts I have saved.
They reek of selfishness, discouragement and unbelief.
And, at times, so do I.
But I am determined to practice using my shield to block the fiery darts of the enemy... even if it is within.

And I will continue to work at loving those who have hurt me, praying for others (even the people for whom I don't feel like praying), memorizing God's word (1/2 way through Romans 8... Yes!), and meditating on His promises.
Because that is where I will find God, truth, grace, forgiveness... and freedom.

Thank you Jesus.