Distract: to cause to turn away from the original focus of attention or interest.
OK... if you know me at all you know that being distracted is not something for which I usually need to ask.
I tend to hang out in that realm.
I have trouble maintaining a long conversation without my eyes and mind roaming away from my companion, letting my thoughts stray, eyes glazing over, and then blurting something totally unrelated and inappropriate to the discussion at hand or abruptly pointing out an adorable child or other interesting person walking past.
(This is not news to my friends.)
Often when I clean, I will start in one room, move to another to put something away, trip over the open dishwasher, spy an interesting magazine cover, begin to read an article, remember I wanted to google something, realize I'm thirsty, open the cupboard to get a glass, remember I meant to start a load of laundry, leaving the cupboard door hanging open, then see that the sun is out and end up sitting on the deck, soaking up the warmth, playing with a kitten.
Really.
(This is not news to my family.)
Yup... I have taken some of those Adult ADD tests.... and passed.
So I find myself in a strange place; I need to be distracted.
Lately I have been very absorbed, attentive and obsessed with someone.
Someone that is consuming me to the place that I am no longer acting like "myself".
I am at times irritable, discontent, anxious, plagued with doubts, struggling to find purpose and focus to my days, lacking peace, sleeping fitfully, crying randomly... honestly, often, miserable.
See... I need to be distracted, separated from this person.
The problem is this person is ... me.
And until I am perfected in heaven, well, I am kinda stuck with "me".
And frankly, so are you, my friend.
The problem isn't in "who" I am:
Nanette Elizabeth Milner Smith
Born 4th among 5 siblings
50 yrs. old
Married to Tom
Mother to 6 fabulous children
Grandma to 3 beautiful, equally fabulous children
Blessed with many acquaintances and some great friends
And most importantly... a chosen child of God.
That is all good.
Great in fact.
But somewhere in this past year I have allowed the relationships, experiences and circumstances in my life to turn my attention inward, deeper and deeper, and I have forgotten my intended, necessary focal point, thereby setting up foundation stones that bear a creepy resemblance to... um... me.
( All together now... yuck!)
And it's not like I don't know better.
I have spent much time studying God's word, reading the works of godly, great people (most of whom are dead), imploring My Father to make me like His Son.
No, it's not lack of knowledge.
It's the application.
And the believing.
I would love to be able to just pray a prayer, and "ZAP!"... all fixed. Wouldn't you?
But I have learned, mostly from being a mom for 32 years, that while "zapping" things into rightness sounds good, without the corrective discipline that comes from working through hard things, history is bound to repeat.
So I have determined to set my thoughts, time and focus onto the "right" things.:
God
His Word
His Will
and less about me: who, what, & where I am.
I dug out some good reading:
Desiring God - John Piper (again)
The Good News We Almost Forgot - Kevin DeYoung
Foundations of Grace - Steven Lawson
Your God is Too Safe - Mark Buchanan (again)
The Book of God - Walter Wangerin (third time)
Philippians (Again... still), Romans & Proverbs (favorite) - God
(Surely you are not surprised that I read several books at the same time.... are you?)
I am determined to endeavor to discipline myself to spend time reading, meditating, memorizing (Romans 8.... here I come...gonna get past verse 23 this time!!).
And talking more to My Father, my Abba Father:
Choosing to invite Him into all my thoughts (Think Brother Lawrence), and actions.
Crying out for His mercy and grace and bringing others to His throne, concerned with the needs and struggles of others.... hopefully diminishing my own selfish whining in the process.
Taking what His Spirit shows me, applying it to my heart and mind and actions, purifying my motives, giving rest and peace to my soul.
I believe that this is the antidote to all the "me-ness" I have been indulging in lately.
So, I guess my request for distraction needs to go straight to the Throne of Grace, where my Father sits, high and lifted up and rightfully adored.
Clearly, I cannot do any of this on my own.
I have tried: Repeated, epic fail.
But by choosing to discipline myself, forcing my mind to dwell on His Word, using my time to cultivate my relationship with Him, I allow my soul to acquiesce to the Holy Spirit's work in me, and with time and desire God may change the shape of my foundation stones, mercifully, graciously, forming new ones that slowly, surely resemble Jesus Christ.... my beloved Savior.
Oh yes... please... distract me with Jesus.
Isa 6:1-8 "I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and his train filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim; each ... one called to another and said: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory." And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, .... And I said: "Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, ...; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!" Then flew one of the seraphim to me.... And he touched my mouth, and said: "Behold, ...; your guilt is taken away, and your sin forgiven."
