Overcast

I love the sun and its warmth.
I have been known to stand in sun-streaming windows and doorways, doing, well,  nothing; just soaking up the sun.
And, frankly, I am able to get more accomplished when I am not fending off freezing air under a blanket somewhere.
Indeed, come winter, I am probably not the most productive person that you know.
Sunlight energizes me and encourages me and motivates me. I truly have a better emotional grip (on whatever it is I'm supposed to be holding) when the sun is shining.* 

And so I want to blame my recent, current emotional yuckiness on the lack of sunshine here in these parts. 
I mean, come on; if it weren't for the the black trees...I would be living in a monochromatic snow globe.
However, I am finding it difficult to back that up with...um...well...much of anything.

See, I believe that God is sovereign. I believe that He is good. I believe that there is nothing in my life that does not originate with Him. Nothing comes to me that did not first make its way past Him. No.Thing.
Yet, I am not living this.

So I have been searching my Bible (a  little) and my heart ( a little more) and I am recognizing my own responsibility for my grumpy, apathetic, demeanor. And while I am discovering several reasons for my discontent...aforementioned weather gloom, stinky, torn apart house, acute loneliness...I am most convicted of (being real honest here) my lack of interest in God. And His Word.
Lame? Yup.
And I would like to say that since I have come to that conclusion I have spent hours in prayer and Bible study.
Nope.
In fact, I just keep justifying my apathy and inaction with whatever nonsense suits the moment.
I actually seem to like it, here, in this arid place, continually thirsty but not reaching for that which quenches.

At this point, you can wonder right along with me what my problem is...go ahead. Maybe ungratefulness. Maybe faithlessness. Maybe I am just a sinner...and good at it.

But I do know this:

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 7:25-8:1 NAS

Thank you Jesus.


*BTW: I am aware that there are places in our great country where the sun does indeed shine, and yes, I am planning on moving to one of those areas asap.