Halfway

I got a message today on my phone...one of those group texts letting me know that yet another one of my friends was turning 50 this year.
Which reminded me that in about 4 months I will have my 50th birthday.
And for quite a while I have been trying to convince myself that I am OK with this impending milestone.

My 30th birthday was kinda rough. The recognition that I had indeed passed through youth and young adult status and found myself smack in the middle of "adult" was sobering...and kind of depressing.
Regardless of how I felt, I was never going to be "young" again. It was sorta painful.

My 40th found me struggling with who I wanted to be when I grew up (not kidding) and attempting to solidify my place...was I just a mom? Was I a photographer? A cookie baker? Should I become a student again? Start a business???
Ended up I did some kinda foolish things, sowed a few oats and then settled back into a tenuous truce with myself.

And now this June finds me at 50. I heard someone say that 50 is the new 30. And, I might like that...but someone will have to convince my eyes, cause they are kinda tired, my mind, cause it is a little slower and, yes, tired, and then there is my body: not 30...for sure.

But I'm thinking that maybe its more about attitude and perspective. And I am grateful for almost 50 years that God has given me. And while I would make some changes, take back some unkind words, give more of my time, talents and treasures away, I wouldn't want to do it all over.

In fact, I find myself looking forward, more than ever, to it being...well, "over".
As the years go by, the pull toward heaven has increased.
At this point in my life I have had many opportunities to learn that, indeed, this is not my home.
I take great comfort in knowing that my Lord is preparing a home for me.
I really like that.
And the idea of dwelling in the presence of My Father is especially appealing.

For now, as I turn that "half century" corner (yikes...did I really say that?) I will  look forward to what lies ahead.
I will work at being the best wife, mom, grandma, friend, I can.
I will trust my Father with not only this day, but however many more He has for me.
I will rejoice in His goodness.
And, on occasion, I will think ahead to my real home, being careful not to settle in too deep while I'm here.
Cause this place, this body, this life is just for now.
While 50 may not be 30, for me, it's a whole lot closer to heaven!

Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
Oh, to dwell and never leave
Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
There is nowhere else for me
There is nowhere else for me
~ Casting Crowns