Not Feeling It

What a week.
Lots of family, non-stop activity, a little adventure, lots of laughter ~
("For I dearly love to laugh...").
A few disappointments and a tear or two.
Not crushing, weighty, total joy-stealing disappointment.
But unsettling, questioning, "Did I miss something?" disappointment.
Like when you were sure you were next...but then the kid beside you got picked. Yeah. That.

While I can begin to see the good that may be coming,
hope has been damaged and the questions continue to arise.
Thoughts centered around "Why?" and "What now?"
I know better. But it's kind of my default setting.
So I have been tussling a bit with God over what I want and what He appears to "not" be doing.
And, yeah, He is winning.
Actually, I'm kinda getting my butt kicked.

His Word reminds me that He is truth, and peace, and love.
And the array of my experiences attest to the reality of  my relationship with Him.
He is good...no matter how I feel.
Let me say that again: it does not  matter what I am feeling.
No. Really. Because while feelings are real , they are not always true,
and they certainly don't indicate God's goodness.
Or purpose.

Job 42:2 
"I know that Thou canst do all things, And that no purpose of Thine can be thwarted."

I can know, I do know...or at least I want to know, that God can do all things. Even the things that I want Him to do. He can do them all. And no intent, purpose or plan of His can be thwarted.... impossible.
Yeah,  It can't happen.

So how do I meld this dichotomy between what I know and how I feel?
What I want and what God seems to be doing?
Well, I can tell you it isn't by trying to have it out with Him.
And trying to reason my way through this will only take me so far.

Yup, once again I run smack into: "What do I believe about God?"
And, thanks to Job, I know that how I answer that question is the only "answer" that will bring me peace.
Job 42:3
..."Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand, Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know."

I'm weary now of striving.
So, I will attempt to set aside my doubt and discontent and discomfort.
I will choose to believe that God is able, worthy of my trust and that He loves me. 
And I will rest. Right there.