Age - Ed

The first time I realized I was getting old was the last time I played competitive volleyball.
I was never a fabulous player, but I could cover the back and put up a nice ball to the setter.
This day my mind was fully engaged, ready to go after every ball, focused on what was going on...but my body kinda just stood there...rebelling. It was like mutiny.
So, I hung up my kneepads, well, kinda, and decided that was enough of that.

I am not gonna lie...I am not enjoying getting older.
I like the "wisdom borne of age" idea (I'll let you know when I get some) and most of the life experiences that I have accumulated...and then there are those grandbabies!

But I don't like not being able to do and think and care like I did when I was younger.
I never thought I would be one of those people who didn't always have to do whatever was on their mind.
Used to be, I couldn't sleep until I had accomplished all I had planned, staying up late into the night reading, baking, sewing (usually not cleaning) and then rising early the next day to start all over again.
 These days, I find myself avoiding the thoughts that would necessitate such action and justify it all by being "tired".    
Ugh.

I am not really enjoying looking older either. I mean 49 years, six babies, life does its inevitable thing. And while I'm OK with that, (well...for the most part), I don't like it. 

I think the thing I dislike the most is the expectations that fall upon people my age.
We are supposed to wise, responsible...mature.
But I don't feel like that.
Frankly I feel a lot like I did when I was 20. Really.
I think that might make me a bit 'freakish". I don't seem to be getting this like most of my peers surely already have. I like to call it "child-like" (eh Dez?!) but I wonder if its really just childish.
Maybe I should work at this mature thing a little harder.
Maybe I should talk less, calm down, act more appropriately, walk more slowly,
(definitely no more skipping ),  buy Alfred Dunner clothes...act more like a grandma.
Ugh.

Perhaps I will get this figured out...eventually.
Right now, I have some Facebook stalking to do. ; )